Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Kavi and his ego goes to White Castle

.....about getting low by getting high.....

Me sad :(

Inspired from the compliments that Akshat wrote on my last blog I decided to post something on this page. Then as a matter of habit I started reading the blogs that I follow, to get an idea of what's going on in blogdom. I read a sad news. My lady love on the blog-world got married. Sayesha......Khair, ab to gayee kudi (atleast for 4-5 year, I guess)

I also read two small but very intersting posts by Jaat . In his blog White Lighthe talks about post joint discussions. I also had a good dose of bhaang (Bhaang and dope are in same family, I guess) this holi. It was quite an experience. Thats what I'm gonna talk about in this blog.

On the holi morning I had decided that I'm not going to take Bhaang. I vividly remember last year due to bhaang, my body was trying to collpase and I had to stretch myself all night to avoid my anhilation. Also, this time, next morning I had to go for Ads' sangeet function, so it wont be a good Idea. As fate has it I was completely high by noon. The main problem with bhaang (or dope) is that your mind is working fine but the nerves that control your body are badly effected. So you know that you are in a bad shape but you can not do anything about it. I'm not sure everybody has it but I was able to see myself from a third person's view. I saw myself, how other people will see me as a person. What I saw was not something I like. I realised that I'm a very bad person. I'm a selfish person with hollow morals and adjustable values. I don't want to admit that to myself but thats the truth.

We all men (not women*) live with an illusion that we are at the centre of this universe. No matter how insanely illogical this thought is, but each one us believes so. We are all narcisist. But that's not a bad thing because without this illusion we will not have a logical reason to live. Bhaang that day, was somehow able to remove this layer of illusion. It was the saddest day of my life. I was sad not only because I realised how bad a person I'm, how meaningless my life is but also because I knew that the layer would be back after the effect of bhaang goes away. That's exactly what happened.

*I say men bacause I think women have different illusions that gives them reasons to live. (My hypothesis is that) They live in an illusion of love and compassion. (Much more logical illusion)


That day I drove 25 KM's in effect of bhaang, it was also the scariest drive of my life. But I knew I had to reach home to be able to go to Alwar next morning. Still arranging a taxi and calling up people who would join me in taxi was too much of a task. I just called dad, "Dad I had too much bhaang, please arrange everything" . I was able to do that because I did not had my empty pride to stop me.
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